Jacob's First Birthday

it has been 3 1/2 years since I was given this promise:

“Look, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will bring you back to this land, for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:15‬ ‭

I have clung to it desperately since then as in that time, three more babies have opened their eyes to the face of Jesus instead of me. seeing that reality in black and white takes my breath away. I have experienced more loss and grief in my lifetime than my worst nightmare could dream up yet, mangled with that, the most incredible joy and hope in the Lord. I 100% believed everything would be ok with jacob, even though the odds were stacked against us. I know my God was able to make that reality true. and yet, it has been a year since I last held him and kissed his face.

here is what I’ve learned through all of this: the Lord’s plans are not mine. what I want is usually selfish and trivial in light of eternity. he is too good to give me what I want, when he has something much better in store for me. I so wish my boys were here, but I have eternity to spend with them and incredible hope that other people will meet them there because of the impact they have made on this world.

happy first birthday in heaven, sweet jacob. this morning we sang happy birthday to you and your sister blew out your candle. we had cake for breakfast and it was perfect 💙

'“And the King says, "Look! God and his children are together again. No more running away. Or hiding. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they are gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see- I have wiped away every tear from every eye!' And then a deep, beautiful voice that sounded like thunder in the sky says, 'Look, I am making everything new!'"

-Revelation 21:3-5, The Jesus Storybook Bible

JT B-day 2015

If you had asked me at the end of my 15th year, what life would be like at the end of my 30th year, I would have given you an answer that would have paled in comparison to what reality has been. I have loved more, laughed more, cried more and hurt more than I ever could have thought was possible. It has taught me that I always underestimate how high the peaks God has in store for me are, and how low the valleys can get that he would guide me through. I have been given a great gift in loving family and friends. The most amazing wife in Kristi Tisdale , and the greatest pleasure in my beautiful daughter Madison. This year also saw us gain, and in the same moment lose, our son Logan, and for that hour, I am eternally grateful. He reminds me every day that what we have here in front of us is momentary, and that our greatest joy is yet in the life to come. I pray that this next year God continues to open my eyes so that I could see how He is working for our greatest eternal goo...

baby 2

there is something about this reminder in my favorite place on earth that makes my heart so full, yet so painfully aware of the absence of my babies. six years ago, I stood in a church watching a sweet friend say I do and start her new life, while I was silently mourning the life I knew I was losing inside me. this baby is the only one I never got to see, yet I loved it fiercely and had already dreamed what our life would be like together. this never gets easier, we just get closer to meeting you every year that passes. happy birthday to you, baby tisdale two 💙💙💙💙💙💙

Jacob's Due Date

dear jacob, today is your due date and although no one expected you to make it this far, we did expect you to make it. i have learned a lot in the past few months about joy and grief; they are a mangled mess in our lives here on earth. often times, the most immense joy coincides with the most miserable grief. each time one of you leaves us too soon, i am thrown into the fire and burned until i have been refined and made new. your brother, logan, made me a warrior. you, sweet jacob, have given me rest. my hope in this life is not in things, happiness, or my comfort. my hope is in the promise of eternity. i wish you hadn't beat me there but until then, i'll love you everyday from here. 💙 💙 💙 💙 💙 💙 “Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, ...

Josh and Kristi

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